How it all started...

I have lost three people to suicide. My first loss was that of my cousin Ronnie, when I was sixteen years old. I didn't know Ronnie, but I remember my thought process. I was shocked,and so very confussed. My life was changed in 2002, when my best friend Jesse ended his life by suicide. My life would change in a heartbeat. I remember being at work, when I found out my friend had ended his own life. I litteraly fell to my nhees, when I got the phone call. Jesse was an amazing friend, always there for everyone. Now ten years later, I am finally doing okay, I still think of him everyday and often wonder what kind of man he would be now. On September 22, 2010 I became a three time survivor of suicide loss. That was the day my husband Ricky ended his life. My husband was an amazing father, husband, son, brother and friend. Ricky hid his depression well, that none of us saw the signs back than. And I can say a year and half later, there were signs. Out of all that ugliness, I try very hard to rememebr the good memories ( as there were many ). SOmetime after Ricky's suicide, I learned of the American Foundation For Suicide Prevention ( AFSP ). Every year the AFSP has a International survivors ( a day for survivors of suicide loss) of suicide day. On the third Saturday of November each year, survivors of suicide loss come together at hundreds of local healing conferences in cities around the world and online for mutual support and practical guidance on coping with grief. It was at that confrence ( my first one ) in November of 2010, that I learned of the AFSP'S Walk through the darkness Overnight. A 18 mile journey that starts at dusk, and ends at dawn. The overnight fell on what would have been my six year wedding anniversary, and was going to be in New York City. I knew that I would do whatever it took to make it to NYC. Eventually I was asked to be apart of the opening ceremonies. It was such an honor, and seemed so surereal to me, to stand on the stage and represent those that a lost a partner to suicide. To have my story told by the amazing Mariel Hemingway, was such an amazing experience.